A reflection on three years…I tweeted this out late on December 10th, on the actual anniversary of losing my day job and reflecting on three years of self employment and doing this full time. It’s a bit more personal than I usually get but I would not be here with your support. 

“Three years ago today I came back to work IIT after a short trip. I was allowed to set up the office they knew I wasn’t about to stay in. Then let go on some bullshit, claiming there was a failure to improve after two + years. (Thread).

 It was especially heinous because my former boss saw me on the shuttle from Ogilvie that morning, that heiffer chatted me up asked about trip & acted like nothing was wrong.  Around noon, I get a call on my cell not my office phone. Anyone who’s gone through this knows the drill.  I was given some bullshit about my performance not improving. Except, I’d done a WiP, improved enough to get a retroactive raise after the WiP cycle was done. But they brought up 2 year old things in that meeting.

 I was furious y’all. Why the fuck didn’t you do this either before I left? Or waited till the end of the week? They didn’t even let me be back a whole day before canning me.  I told ex boss where to go, threw office keys, ID and uni credit card at her before leaving. I told the HR person to send my file so I could read it.  She was too busy trying to get me to sign off on some agreement that was bullshit as well. I refused and went to get my things; which wasn’t fast enough for them since the HR rep threatened to call police on me. 

 I wish she would have; since I hadn’t done more than cussed and raised my voice. I’d have given her ass a reason since she was so eager to call the cos.  I get home; someone forwards the lie of an email explaining my “departure” claiming I’d taken a new opportunity, so I forwarded it back to key people with the truth of how they fucked me over 10 days before Xmas & right after a trip.  Y’all I called a Lyft, got in with what I was able to grab and cried most of the way home. I had no real savings (shit, I still don’t) and was gonna be SOL for money. 

 I had to jump through hoops for the scraps of unemployment I got. I had to go through two phone interviews & then an office visit. Unemployment offices are dehumanizing by design I swear.  I had one of the worst holiday seasons of my life that year. I was legit ready to be Ike fuck everything; I’m done with this world. But I’m fortunate & grateful for y’all. 

 The second job that @INeedDivGms had become was an option. I had no idea if it would work; or if I’d be back on the hustle for a regular gig after failing to keep INDG running.  But whatever reputation I had built, the community and support for the work increased and I was able to do more; to get to a place where I was working for myself. INDG is now a 501(c)(3) and there’s so much more I can do.  I never thought I’d be here after that day three years ago. I thought I’d be stuck living with my mother or not here because times were that dark y’all. 

 I don’t know if I can go back to a regular gig or not in the future but for now I’m …making it. Not well, it’s not easy but for now I’m not at the mercy of a 9-5 that was slowly killing me.  I’m here thanks to the community that continues to support the work I do, what @INeedDivGms does & more. Thank you for keeping me here; afloat and reminding me why I do all of this. 

Published by cypheroftyr

Tanya DePass is the founder and Director of I Need Diverse Games, a not-for-profit organization based in Chicago, which is dedicated to better diversification of all aspects of gaming. I Need Diverse Games serves the community by supporting marginalized developers, attendance at the Game Developer Conference by participating in the GDC Scholarship program, helps assist attendance at other industry events, and is seeking partnership with organizations and initiatives. Tanya is a lifelong Chicagoan who loves everything about gaming, #INeedDiverseGames spawn point, and wants to make the industry better and more inclusive for everyone. She’s part of the Rivals of Waterdeep actual play stream on twitch.tv/rivalsofwaterdeep, a partnered Twitch variety broadcaster; and often speaks on issues of diversity, feminism, race, intersectionality & other topics online, at conventions and as a public speaker.. She’s also contributed to publications at Green Ronin, Paizo and Monte Cook Games and is the co-developer for the Fifth Season RPG based on N.K. Jemisin’s three time Hugo award winning Broken Earth trilogy. She’s the creator and Creative Director of Into the Mother Lands, a Twitch supported RPG and Actual Play stream, airing weekly on her channel, twitch.tv/cypheroftyr. Additionally, she is a Senior Annenberg labs Civic Media Fellow at USC. She’s also the creator and Creative Director of Into the Mother Lands, a new sci fi afro-futurist RPG developed with a team of all POC and Black creators; live streamed on her twitch channel, /cypheroftyr. She’s named as one of The Game Awards Future Class 2020, a diverse group of builders, thinkers and dreamers whose voices elevate and diversify our artform. It recognizes individuals around the world who represent the bright, bold and inclusive future for video games. She was also named as one of Gamers of the Year 2020 by Kotaku along with three of her contemporaries. She was also invited to the Xbox MVP program in February 2021. Her work to make the industry more inclusive has been highlighted in Game Changer, Directed by Tina Charles, WNBA star & olympian as well as filmmaker. The short documentary premiered at Tribeca 2021, as part of the Queen Collective; an initiative started by Queen Latifah, supported by Proctor & Gamble in an effort to get more Black women into film making. Game Changer was also featured as part of BETHer’s 2021 Juneteenth Programming on 19 June 2021. Tanya is the programming & diversity coordinator for OrcaCon and GaymerX. She also serves on the Board of Directors for OrcaCon and was named the Chair for Take This in January 2023. She often speaks on issues of diversity, feminism, race, intersectionality & other topics at conventions. Her writing about games and games critique appears in Uncanny Magazine, Polygon, Wiscon Chronicles, Vice Gaming, Paste Games, Mic, and other publications. She’s the editor of Game Devs and Others: Tales from the Margins (2018, CRC Press) and contributed to The Advanced Game Narrative Toolbox. (2019, CRC Press) Writer Bio for pubs: Tanya is the Founder and Director of I Need Diverse Games, a not-for-profit organization based in Chicago. She’s part of Rivals of Waterdeep, an actual play D&D show on twitch.tv/rivalsofwaterdeep; the programming coordinator for OrcaCon & GaymerX; and often speaks on issues of diversity, feminism, race, intersectionality & other topics at conventions. She’s on the Board of Take This as well as a Stream Ambassador, and was part of the inaugural cohort of The Game Awards Future Class. Her work to make the industry more inclusive has been highlighted in Game Changer, Directed by Tina Charles, WNBA star & olympian as well as filmmaker. The short documentary premiered at Tribeca 2021, as part of the Queen Collective; an initiative started by Queen Latifah, supported by Proctor & Gamble in an effort to get more Black women into film making. Game Changer was also featured as part of BETHer’s 2021 Juneteenth Programming on 19 June 2021.

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