ICYMI, I shared my #WorldMentalHealthDay story

(originally pulled together over at Medium.com from a tweet thread)

It’s #WorldMentalHealthDay and I want to share something with y’all. Hopefully I won’t regret this. I have depression and anxiety. Ever since losing my day job, it’s gotten worse. The stress of keeping @INeedDivGms afloat hasn’t helped.

A few years ago, I was on the edge and contemplated suicide. Obviously I didn’t but I was at that point. I don’t talk about it a lot because…I feel that people don’t get it. It makes them uncomfortable and they deflect quickly. I’m also an introvert despite what some people think. Going to conventions and being “on”, around people is exhausting.

There are plenty of days where I struggle to get out of bed, where I try to find a reason to bother. Sometimes I don’t. Other times I get, dust myself off and keep going but it’s hard when it seems there’s a void following you everywhere you go.

Comic by Sylvie Reuter, on depression

I also don’t talk about this much because I’ve failed at therapy, twice now. Did meds once because I had anxiety attacks. Also lost a “friend” when I opened up about my own journey with therapy. Grew up with idea that it was “white folks shit”.

Which I know is bullshit, now. Growing up? Not so much. It took a lot to try therapy. First attempt was terrible, second wasn’t bad but I never connected with her or any therapist. I’m cynical and felt like I was paying for a fake friend not help.

So yeah things are not always bright and happy behind the curtain. It’s hard to talk about without wondering who’ll turn away, fear is real. Anyway, that’s my #WorldMentalHealthDay ramble. Know you’re not alone, you’re important and loved by someone. ❤