Why Huckabee is a nutjob

Friday, January 4, 2008
Top 10 Reasons Why Huckabee is a Nutjob

File under: Huckabee is nuts.
File under: Huckabee is a nutcase.
File under: Huckabee is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
You get the drift.

Top 10 Reasons Why Huckabee is a Nutjob

10. Almost all candidates get celebrity endorsements. But only Huckabee went so far as to put a B-list has been in his commercials. What’s next? Jean Claude Van Damme for Dennis Kucinich? Steven Segal wants you to vote for Ron Paul or else?

9. Huckabee believes that all aborted zygotes would now be $1 an hour fruit pickers if they hadn’t been aborted. Oh, and if we didn’t have abortion, there wouldn’t be Mexicans crossing the border. Yeah, because those two issues are so related.

“Sometimes we talk about why we’re importing so many people in our workforce,” the former Arkansas governor said. “It might be for the last 35 years, we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce had we not had the holocaust of liberalized abortion under a flawed Supreme Court ruling in 1973.”

8. Huckabee pretended to get a cellphone call from God while on stage in the middle of a speech and talked with God about how he can help the Republicans win the election. We thank God for C-SPAN and YouTube.

7. Huckabee believes that Ellen and Portia sleeping together is the same as some nasty toothless guy in a cemetery digging up a skeleton and fucking it.

In his 1998 book, compared homosexuality to necrophilia, decrying “publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations–from homosexuality and pedophilia to sadomasochism and necrophilia.”

6. Huckabee said, “I got into politics because I knew government didn’t have the real answers, that the real answers lie in accepting Jesus Christ into our lives. … I hope we answer the alarm clock and take this nation back for Christ.”

How about you reduce the deficit, get us out of Iraq, turn around the economy, save the dollar, reduce our trade deficit, find a solution for health care, and oh… I don’t know… run the country? I think that would be a better focus for a U.S. President that saving all our souls and making everyone go to church on Sunday.

5. Huckabee said that, “Science changes with every generation and with new discoveries, and God doesn’t. So I’ll stick with God if the two are in conflict.”

In other words, science makes discoveries that disprove the Bible, so I’m going to stick my head up my ass and pretend science doesn’t exist. Probably why the Arkansas school system got an F for science standards when Huckabee was governor.

4. Huckabee wanted to quarantine people with AIDS.

He said, “If the federal government is truly serious about doing something with the AIDS virus, we need to take steps that would isolate the carriers of this plague.”

3. Huckabee was 1 of 131 fellow nutjobs to sign to a full-page USA Today Ad affirming this statement on family. “A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”

2. Huckabee said he would be against gay marriage “until Moses comes down with two stone tablets from Brokeback Mountain saying he’s changed the rules.”

Yes, the Bible says homosexuality is an abomination. The Bible also says that eating shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, and mussels is as abomination. Equal to that of homosexuality. Moses hasn’t come down to repeal that one, but I don’t think that keeps the Huckabees away from Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster. Hypocrite alert!

1. There’s a good chance he’s one of those guys that wants the end times to come so he can have naked beers with Jesus (and all the other people who are saved and float up to heaven leaving their clothes behind while we battle armies of frogs or whatever the fuck). Now, if there’s someone who wants the end times to come, do you really want them in charge of the button and bringing on WWIII?

Huckabee said, “If you’re with Jesus Christ, we know how it turns out in the final moment. I’ve read the last chapter in the book, and we do end up winning.”


Posted by Politicati at 11:51 AM

Labels: huckabee , huckanuts